3 Ways To Celebrate the Holidays With Elderly Parents

When you recall past holiday gatherings, maybe you can still see Mom stirring pots in the kitchen and baking cookies, or kids bounding out of bed and running into the living room at dawn. Perhaps you cherish memories of decorating the Christmas tree or lighting the menorah as a family. Whatever your family’s tradition, it probably included food, gifts, and relatives from near and far. However, celebrating the holidays with elderly parents isn’t as easy as it once was.

If you live in another city and plan to travel to visit your parent but aren’t sure how to make the holidays special, consider these factors, along with a few different options to celebrate the holidays:

1. Consult Your Parent First

For an older adult, the holiday season can be depressing, says Amanda Lambert, owner of Lambert Care Management, LLC and co-author of Aging with Care: Your Guide to Hiring and Managing Caregivers at Home.

“Think about how your Mom may have always been the person to plan activities for the family around this time and can no longer do so,” says Lambert. “Holidays can be one more reminder of your parents’ loss of independence.”

“Ask your parent what he or she would like to do for the holidays and give that person the opportunity to be involved in decision making,” says Lambert. “Don’t simply assume that your loved one wants you to magically transform this holiday season into a replica of past holiday gatherings.”

“Accepting that things will never be the way they once were can put less stress on everyone in the family to try and replicate something that may be impossible,” says Lambert. “Be flexible. Consider starting a new and different tradition.”

Find more tips for keeping your senior loved ones engaged during holiday gatherings on Bethesda’s blog.

2. Create a ‘Home’ for the Holidays

Even if your mother or father can’t get out and about, you can still create a holiday setting for them.

If it’s an option, invite family members to celebrate at the home of a relative in the same city as your parents. If that’s not possible, rent an Airbnb house or apartment so you can decorate it and prepare a holiday meal, celebrating in a home-like setting. Ask your parent if he or she would like to invite a friend or two to join all of you.

Before moving your parent to a different location to celebrate, Lambert recommends considering these factors:

• Does your loved one have cognitive issues that may be exacerbated by a change of location?
• What medical issues such as mobility problems and medications to be dispensed need to be considered while the person is away from where they live?
• Prepare a plan in case of emergency. Find out your parent’s preferred hospital and make sure you have the primary physician’s phone number handy.
• Make sure the home you are going to is accessible. Does it have stairs your parent will struggle to climb? What about a walk-in shower? Will he or she need assistance in the shower?

3. Ways to Celebrate the Holidays at an Assisted Living Community

If your parent lives in an assisted living or skilled nursing community, and you determine that they would either become agitated or disoriented by moving to a new location for a day or two or not physically capable of going out, you can still brighten their spirits and celebrate with them. Here are a few suggestions:

• Decorate your parent’s apartment or room with a small Christmas tree or a menorah, lights, holiday cards, and gifts. Set up a device to play holiday music.
• Participate with your parent in activities offered at the community. Many long-term care communities make significant efforts to make the holidays special for residents and their families. For example, in 2016, The Lodge in Alameda in Alameda, Calif., held a holiday tea party, in which each dining room had a holiday theme and a musician playing an instrument such as a harp, piano or guitar. Bethesda’s senior living communities across the St. Louis area host holiday events for our residents and their families. Contact us to learn more.
• Plan a holiday party for your parent’s friends and neighbors in the community. Depending on the size of his or her living quarters, you may be able to bring in a catered feast, holiday music, and decorations so the celebration can include friends and other residents of the community who have no holiday visitors.

“Be prepared to also embrace those people [who live in the same community] in some small way to make them part of your family,” says Joy Loverde, author of Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old? “Make everyone there your friend.” If you need more room, ask staff in advance about using a community clubhouse or another on-site meeting space.

However you decide to celebrate your holidays with elderly parents, base your decisions on what’s best for them and is most suited to his or her physical or cognitive limitations. You’ll never be able to recreate those family holidays you enjoyed for decades. However, don’t let that stop you from being there to celebrate with someone you love. The more time you can spend with your parent, the better.

Families are busy during the holidays, and it can be tempting to shorten time spent with a loved one, says Lambert. “If anything, spend more time,” she says. “Think about how lonely it can be for someone left alone at a community during the holidays.”

Family and friends are always welcome at Bethesda’s senior living communities across the St. Louis area. Schedule a tour at a community near you to learn more.

Originally published on December 12, 2017 by Deb Hipp for Next Avenue.

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